I GOT A GROUCH—THAT'S ALL

By L. Frank Baum 

Author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, The Boy Fortune Hunters in the Yucatan, Daughters of Destiny, etc. 

From the stage musical The Tik-Tok Man of Oz, 1913, cut before production.

Presented here to celebrate the July 2023 publication of All Wound Up: The Making of The Tik-Tok Man of Oz by Eric Shanower.

GROUCH SONG

Some ginks don’t have no luck at all-
            They back-fire ev’ry time.
        That’s me. If I fall off a wall
            Folks think it is a crime.
If I wear stockings, all the stocks go sliding below par;
If I should own an auto it would bump a trolley-car;
If I got anybody’s goat ’twould get-me--butt behind!--
            That’s me. But never mind.
                                    I got a grouch.

    Ah, bah, this life’s a stupid game;
And when I get to Hades I will find the devil tame.
I ain’t abit unsociable--ner haughty--means ner small--
    I ain’t no slouch. I got a grouch.
                                    That’s all.

        One time I loved a widow; she
            Was pretty as could be;
        She told me she had lots of dough
            And she would marry me.
She said at twenty she’d be my bride. I had an awful shock
For when I reached the church at ten my face had stopped the clock.
The wedding hour it never came, and yet I never whined.
            That’s me. But never mind.
                                    I got a grouch.

    Ah, bah! the widow never came;
It didn’t break my heart, but I was grouchy just the same;
It soured my disposition, but I didn’t weep nor squall.
            I ain’t no slouch. I got a grouch.
                                    That’s all.

        One time one of my rich uncs
            Was kind enough to die;
        He left me half a million plunks
            A pretty good supply.
But some one didn’t like the will and threw it into court;
The lawyers argued seven years and had a lot of sport
It cost me all my fortune, for the law is so unkind--
            That’s me. But never mind.
                                    I got a grouch.

    Ah, bah! who cares a cuss for wealth!
A lot of jingles in your pants don’t help a fellow’s health.
You don’t catch me bewailin’ ’cause my bank account is small--
            I ain’t no slouch. I got a grouch.
                                    That’s all.

Originally published in the Oakland Tribune, May 5, 1918

 

The Supposyville Post

 

I don't like to boast,

But, my ducks, 'tis the most

Enchanting—. What is? Why,

The S'posyville Post!

It comes out with the sun

And it's printed in pink

And chock full of chuckles

In bright colored ink.

There are pictures and patterns

And comic revues;

In fact, there is everything

'Ceptin' bad news!

And bad news is so skeerce

In that Kingdom of Smiles

You'd have to go scouting

For hundreds of miles

To run down an item;

And why waste the time

When there's plenty of good news

That's newsy and prime?

The Post's jolly editor,

I. Makem Laugh,

Is assisted and helped

By a talented staff.

And all over the kingdom

They gallop to find

Who is who and what's new

Or to newness inclined.

You don't have to be

A High This or High That,

Just so you've some brain cells

Tucked under your hat.

You will find a safe place

In the S'posyville Post

If you make a good pudding

Or cook a good roast,

Or help out your neighbors

Or make a high mark

In your school work, or feed

A stray dog in the park.

The staff finds it out, dears,

And one never knows

Just what the Supposyville

Post will disclose.

As for nonsense and rhymes, dears,

Quaint jokes, quips and fun,

There isn't a journal

Can rank with this one.

No wonder Supposies

Begin each new day

Brimful of good cheer.

Gee! wish I felt that way!

Copyright © 2023 Eric Shanower and David Maxine. All rights reserved.