Saturday, June 1, 2019

GIRLS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME

By L. Frank Baum
Author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, The Boy Fortune Hunters in the Yucatan, Daughters of Destiny, etc.
 

L. Frank Baum's unproduced script for Ozma of Oz, copyrighted in 1909, was based on his 1907 book of the same name. Eventually it evolved into the play The Tik-Tok Man of Oz, staged in 1913, which was the basis for Baum's 1914 Oz book of a similar name. The following song, which would have had music (not known to still exist) by Manuel Klein, was a duet for the characters Queen Ann and Ozma the Rose Princess. The song was cut before the project turned into The Tik-Tok Man of Oz.

ANN:
Maidens of old didn’t gossip or scold,
Always could secrets keep;
Never talked nights when they put out the lights—
Always went straight to sleep.
They’d say: “Oh, my dear, what a beautiful dress!”
When it didn’t fit anyhow—
That’s what an old-fashioned girl would do,
What would a girl do now?

OZMA:
A girl of today wouldn’t publicly say
A friend was tackily dressed;
If she suspected a gown resurrected
She’d smile—we’d all know the rest.
If a hat’s out of date, or isn’t on straight
She merely raises her brow;
If you know beans, you know what that means—
That’s what a girl would do now.

BOTH:
Ages may come and ages may go,
But maids will be ever the same;
If a girl didn’t lie now and then, on the sly,
She wouldn’t be worthy the name.

2.
ANN:
Maidens of old by mothers were told
Always to be discreet,
Never beguiling a stranger by smiling,
Never trapesing [sic] the street.
Never, they’d swear, to flirt would they dare,
Never been kissed they’d vow.
That’s what an old-fashioned girl would do;
What would a girl do now?

OZMA:
Girls of today have a more demure way
Seldom a trick is missed;
Frequently dine upon partridge and wine,
Never resist when kissed.
Ev’ry sweet lass is saving of gas,
Ev’ry papa will allow;
If asked to the play: “I’m game!” she will say—
That’s what a girl would do now.

BOTH:
Ages may come and ages may go,
But maids will be ever the same;
Any girl with a chance will step high and prance
Or she wouldn’t be worthy the name.

3.
ANN:
Maidens of old were modest—not bold—
Never were reckless or weak;
Men who were busted the girls never trusted,
Wouldn’t permit them to speak.
Told ’em they wouldn’t and couldn’t for true
Hitch to ’em anyhow;
That’s what an old-fashioned girl would do—
What would a girl do now?

OZMA:
Well, if her breast with love was oppress’d,
If she were fond and true,
Never a maid would e’er be afraid
To do what she ought to do.
Money won’t weigh on the same scale, they say,
With love, and I guess it’s true;
No matter how poor, she’d have him for sure—
That’s what a real girl would do.

BOTH:
Ages may come and ages may go,
But maids will be ever the same;
If a girl wasn’t foolish, and stubborn, and mulish,
She wouldn’t be worthy the name.


Originally published in the Philadelphia Public Ledger, April 22, 1917.

A Supposyville Happening

Open came the shutters and
The windows, long ’fore dawn;
Up jumped the good Supposy folk
And slipped their best clothes on,
And down the silent roads and streets
Hilarious they go,
Before the chickens waken, or
The cock has time to crow!
The Queen skips gayly with the rest,
The King, beside the cook,
Hands out delightful little cakes,
Which everybody took
With gracious courtesy, and to cheer
The way, they had a song,
The Fiddlesticks’ bow-legged band
Tuned up and twanged along.
And just as Daddy Sun threw back
His rosy quilt to see
Who’d waked him up, and what the noise
And merriment could be
A whistle and a rattle sounded;
Sundry growls and roars,
And other sounds mysterious,
Like seal or walrus snores.
“They’ve come!” cry the Supposys—
Up fly a score of hats,
Of kerchiefs, ribbons and what-nots,
A tailor waved his spats!
And now out from the puffing train,
A motley company poured—
Clowns, ladies, bears, and juggler men;
Inside the lions roared,
But not CROSS roars, indeedy, NO!
Just lion conversation,
About how glad they were to be
In such a situation!
Aho! I want to tell you when
The circus comes to town,
Supposyville drops EVERYTHING,
To make way for the clown!
The lads and lassies and the men
Help set the circus tents,
And not a soul is missing
When festivities commence.
In Supposyville the tumblers tumble
JUST THE BEST OF ALL.
The bareback riders jump ten feet
Through hoops and never fall.
The elephants do tricks with glee,
The bears cheer up and dance.
You see, they’re happy here because
They know they’ll have a chance
To meet just every single soul
In town, and it’s SUCH fun
To know there’s not a person there
Who isn’t having fun.
Supposy folks don’t grow up like
The folks in other places,
They’re just big boys and girls behind
Their pleasant grown-up faces.
And after the performance the
Whole circus is invited
To the palace—bears and clowns and all
And MY! But they’re excited.
The fat dame sits upon the throne,
The Human Skeleton
Is crowned King for the evening.
You can guess just how much fun
They have, and oft I’m tempted
(P’raps some day I will)
Run off and rent a cottage
In that dear Supposyville! 

Copyright © 2019 Eric Shanower and David Maxine. All rights reserved.