By L. Frank Baum
Lyrics from “The Orpheus Road Show,” Uplifters’ High Jinks, Coronado, CA, October 1917.
Never Strike Your Father, Boy
Seldom baste your Mother, lad; ’twas she who gave you life;
Don’t often pound your Sister—save your thumpings for your Wife;
And if yo’ knock your Auntie down ’twill be for cause, I know,
But never strike yo’ Father, boy—unless you need the dough.
The Girl in my Home Town
My girl is a shy girl
But she’s my girl—
That’s why I miss her;
I’m far away today
But say! Some day
I’ll hug and kiss her;
Fair girls and rare girls,
Blue eyes and brown,
Are ev’rywhere, but none compare
With the girl in my home town.
Goose Pimples
She was only foolin’
When she let me call her “hun”;
She was only foolin’
’Cause all she loved was “mon”;
She was only foolin’
And lookin’ out for fat—
She kept my four dollars
And just let me holler—
It gave me goose-pimples at that!
Originally published in the Philadelphia Public Ledger, December 1, 1918
Solomon Tremendous Wise and the Royal Sleigh of Supposyville
You had seen the sleigh
Of their Royal Highnesses
Pass today.
With silver bells
And horses white,
I tell you now
’Twas a dashing sight.
And horses white,
I tell you now
’Twas a dashing sight.
Horses ten and
Footmen two,
Cushioned in gold
And deep sea blue.
Along in a whirl
Of snow it sped,
With couriers galloping
On ahead
Of snow it sped,
With couriers galloping
On ahead
To clear the way
And prevent a spill,
While the King and Queen
Of Supposyville,
In white fur robes
Securely belted,
With apples and cakes
Their subjects pelted.
Old Solomon
Tremendous Wise
The sleigh at a turn
In the road espies.
Tremendous Wise
The sleigh at a turn
In the road espies.
And, giving his steed
A prod, sets out
To see what such furious
Speed’s about.
Panting and breathless
He comes ’longside.
“One moment, your Highnesses!
Stop!” he cried.
But they only laughed.
“No time for stopping.
We’re off to finish
Our Christmas shopping!”
The words came back
As they round a curve
In a manner requiring
Technique and nerve.
“A good idea,”
Quoth Mr. Wise;
And after the two
At top speed hies.
It must be fun
To shop that way.
Wish we could ride
In that Royal sleigh!
Copyright © 2025 Eric Shanower and David Maxine. All rights reserved.
